love.

the hubs and i are far from the gushy valentine type of couples.  we fall into the "valentine's day is commercialized"  and we will not "feed into this corporate holiday" because it is only about "guilting you into spending money."  luckily, we both feel this way so there are no hurt feelings when one spouse does nothing!

however, i do so love talking about the story of us.  so i thought i would repost our marriage story from a couple of years ago on this hallmark holiday.

but, first, on a side note i entered a blog contest on farmgirl paints (i love how real she seems!)  with my love story in the comment and i won a fabulous selection of bath and body products from Eco Natural Soaps.  I won the contest the day before my birthday and I received the goods on Valentines Day.  I love the lip balm already, I got it in Lime, and the Citrus Sunrise soap scent is amazing!  I swear I opened my mailbox today and it smelled so nice inside!  I knew right away what was in the box before I even pulled it out.  Go check them out!

onto the story that was first written back in April of 2010....

ten years ago today, i didn't marry my soul mate.  i didn't marry my best friend.  and he most certainly didn't marry the wife he wanted. he didn't marry the person he could no longer live without.  i didn't wear a white gown.  i wasn't walked down the aisle by my father.  my father never got to officiate the wedding.  my mother didn't get to sing at my wedding.  i wasn't surrounded by my friends and family on what is supposed to be the happiest day of my life. we did not gaze into each others eyes.  neither one of us really wanted to be there if we're honest.

but ten years ago, i did marry.   i married my husband in a courthouse with our two month old son beside us.  we barely knew each other.  i had only met him about a year before.  we lived in different cities for nearly the entire duration of our premarried relationship.  we were not prepared to get married, let alone raise a baby.  we seemed to have nothing in common.  i married him not because i loved him, but because i wanted to keep him from marrying someone else down the road who would be the mother to my son.  i had this image of who he might marry and i didn't want "her" to help my raise my son.   even though i didn't know it at the time, i discovered many years later my husband married me for the same reason.  he didn't like the type of man that he thought i might one day marry being a father to his son.

it's messed up, i know, you don't have to point it out to me.  (in a twisted way, it's kinda romantic.  in a really twisted way, right?)

we were not happy.  we were selfish.  it was pretty ugly for while there.  there were mean words, mean actions, nasty grudges held. bitterness.  apathy.

sounds kinda bleak, doesn't it?   are you ready for the best part? over these past ten years, we began to love each other.  i hesitate to say "fall in love" because that is such a passive statement.  it wasn't something that just happened to us, we made choices to be better people.  we made that choice to love and appreciate each other.  and now we have a deep, sincere love that has been put through the test and found true.

in the past decade, we learned that we actually have a lot more in common than we ever knew.  we learned to sacrifice our own wants to focus on the needs of the other.  we learned that true love takes a lot of work.  we learned how to be each other's biggest supporter. we learned that marriage is a partnership.  we learned that we are stronger than our circumstances.  we learned that marriage can be tested, can be tried, can be put through the fire and it can survive.  my husband did become my best friend and i did become someone he can't live without.  and in that decade we added two more wonderful blessings to our first son; a daughter and then another boy.

even though our marriage began far from ideal, even though i never had the wedding i had once dreamed of, even though our marriage went through hard times of our own making, i would not wish it to have been different.  if we had never persevered through the hard times, i never would have been able to see the grace God poured out onto our marriage.  if our marriage had been easy, i would never be able to tell of the strength God gave me.   if our marriage had been always full of love, i would never be able to know how precious the gift of love is.  if our marriage had never gone through the darkness, we would never be able to fully enjoy the light.  our marriage has been worth all the heartache we experienced in the beginning, i would hate to be on this ride with anyone else but him. i'm so glad we didn't give up in the first part of our marriage, we would've missed out on so much joy, happiness, laughter, and love.

last night

yes, last night was WONDERFUL!  totally enjoyed hanging with my hubby under the stars listening to amazing music like this one, my favorite!

i loved that ray lamontagne didn't talk the whole time and try too hard to entertain.  it was all about the music, you know?  he didn't say much more than "thank you" after each song.  i told my husband last night about my super secret wish that I had way back in high school...if i could pick, i mean truly pick, to be anything in the whole world, i'd love to be able to be on stage, me and my guitar, singing folk songs.  you know, like being a singer/songwriter type.  not to be a "music star" because that is such a cliche.  

but despite what they say,  i'm here to tell you, kids, that you actually can NOT be anything you set your mind to become.  because i can't play the guitar, i can't sing, and i have no songs within me to write...so sadly that is one dream that will not come to pass.  sigh.

it's all good though, i am a stay at home mom which is just as cool.  plus, my babies loved it when i sang to them.  i could totally rock "hush, little baby."

i was sitting there last night with the man that i'm married to, i was thinking about how grateful i am we both like to spend time with one another.  without the kids, even!  lately i was talking with a group of women and none of them ever spent evenings out with just the husband!  one even said she wouldn't want to spend time alone with her husband.  i think she was only half joking...maybe not even that much.  (gasp!)  oh, i can totally talk about this because she doesn't read my blog.   i couldn't imagine NOT wanting to spend time alone with my husband.   well, that's not totally true, i mean i do understand how that could be.   but now that i know how wonderful even a sick marriage can become, i just want to encourage all the ladies to fall in love with their hubby.  

it makes my heart hurt.

i love spending an evening listening to music with grant.  i love enjoying a nice dinner out with him and just him.    i love hanging out around the house after the kids have gone to bed talking to my husband for hours (without the tv on, people!)  i love having coffee time with him on saturday mornings while we tell the children to go play while we hang out talking.  yes, we kick the children out of the room and tell me them to occupy themselves while we drink the coffee.  i want my kids to know just how important their daddy is to me.

10 years ago today...

ten years ago today, i didn't marry my soul mate.  i didn't marry my best friend.  and he most certainly didn't marry the wife he wanted.  he didn't marry the person he could no longer live without.  i didn't wear a white gown.  i wasn't walked down the aisle by my father.  my father never got to officiate the wedding.  my mother didn't get to sing at my wedding.  i wasn't surrounded by my friends and family on what is supposed to be the happiest day of my life.  we did not gaze into each others eyes.  neither one of us really wanted to be there if we're honest.

but ten years ago, i did marry.   i married my husband in a courthouse with our two month old son beside us.  we barely knew each other.  i had only met him about a year before.  we lived in different cities for nearly the entire duration of our premarried relationship.  we were not prepared to get married, let alone raise a baby.  we seemed to have nothing in common.  i married him not because i loved him, but because i wanted to keep him from marrying someone else down the road who would be the mother to my son.  i had this image of who he might marry and i didn't want "her" to help my raise my son.   even though i didn't know it at the time, i discovered many years later my husband married me for the same reason.  he didn't like the type of man that he thought i might one day marry being a father to his son.

it's messed up, i know, you don't have to point it out to me.  (in a twisted way, it's kinda romantic.  in a really twisted way, right?)

we were not happy.  we were selfish.  it was pretty ugly for while there.  there were mean words, mean actions, nasty grudges held.  bitterness.  apathy.

sounds kinda bleak, doesn't it?   are you ready for the best part?  over these past ten years, we began to love each other.  i hesitate to say "fall in love" because that is such a passive statement.  it wasn't something that just happened to us, we made choices to be better people.  we made that choice to love and appreciate each other.  and now we have a deep, sincere love that has been put through the test and found true.

in the past decade, we learned that we actually have a lot more in common than we ever knew.  we learned to sacrifice our own wants to focus on the needs of the other.  we learned that true love takes a lot of work.  we learned how to be each other's biggest supporter.  we learned that marriage is a partnership.  we learned that we are stronger than our circumstances.  we learned that marriage can be tested, can be tried, can be put through the fire and it can survive.  my husband did become my best friend and i did become someone he can't live without.  and in that decade we added two more wonderful blessings to our first son; a daughter and then another boy.

even though our marriage began far from ideal, even though i never had the wedding i had once dreamed of, even though our marriage went through hard times of our own making, i would not wish it to have been different.  if we had never persevered through the hard times, i never would have been able to see the grace God poured out onto our marriage.  if our marriage had been easy, i would never be able to tell of the strength God gave me.   if our marriage had been always full of love, i would never be able to know how precious the gift of love is.  if our marriage had never gone through the darkness, we would never be able to fully enjoy the light.  our marriage has been worth all the heartache we experienced in the beginning, i would hate to be on this ride with anyone else but him.  i'm so glad we didn't give up in the first part of our marriage, we would've missed out on so much joy, happiness, laughter, and love.


grant, happy anniversary.  i hope you're not mad that i put this all on here!  (he's not an open book like i am.)