ten years ago today, i didn't marry my soul mate. i didn't marry my best friend. and he most certainly didn't marry the wife he wanted. he didn't marry the person he could no longer live without. i didn't wear a white gown. i wasn't walked down the aisle by my father. my father never got to officiate the wedding. my mother didn't get to sing at my wedding. i wasn't surrounded by my friends and family on what is supposed to be the happiest day of my life. we did not gaze into each others eyes. neither one of us really wanted to be there if we're honest.
but ten years ago, i did marry. i married my husband in a courthouse with our two month old son beside us. we barely knew each other. i had only met him about a year before. we lived in different cities for nearly the entire duration of our premarried relationship. we were not prepared to get married, let alone raise a baby. we seemed to have nothing in common. i married him not because i loved him, but because i wanted to keep him from marrying someone else down the road who would be the mother to my son. i had this image of who he might marry and i didn't want "her" to help my raise my son. even though i didn't know it at the time, i discovered many years later my husband married me for the same reason. he didn't like the type of man that he thought i might one day marry being a father to his son.
it's messed up, i know, you don't have to point it out to me. (in a twisted way, it's kinda romantic. in a really twisted way, right?)
we were not happy. we were selfish. it was pretty ugly for while there. there were mean words, mean actions, nasty grudges held. bitterness. apathy.
sounds kinda bleak, doesn't it? are you ready for the best part? over these past ten years, we began to love each other. i hesitate to say "fall in love" because that is such a passive statement. it wasn't something that just happened to us, we made choices to be better people. we made that choice to love and appreciate each other. and now we have a deep, sincere love that has been put through the test and found true.
in the past decade, we learned that we actually have a lot more in common than we ever knew. we learned to sacrifice our own wants to focus on the needs of the other. we learned that true love takes a lot of work. we learned how to be each other's biggest supporter. we learned that marriage is a partnership. we learned that we are stronger than our circumstances. we learned that marriage can be tested, can be tried, can be put through the fire and it can survive. my husband did become my best friend and i did become someone he can't live without. and in that decade we added two more wonderful blessings to our first son; a daughter and then another boy.
even though our marriage began far from ideal, even though i never had the wedding i had once dreamed of, even though our marriage went through hard times of our own making, i would not wish it to have been different. if we had never persevered through the hard times, i never would have been able to see the grace God poured out onto our marriage. if our marriage had been easy, i would never be able to tell of the strength God gave me. if our marriage had been always full of love, i would never be able to know how precious the gift of love is. if our marriage had never gone through the darkness, we would never be able to fully enjoy the light. our marriage has been worth all the heartache we experienced in the beginning, i would hate to be on this ride with anyone else but him. i'm so glad we didn't give up in the first part of our marriage, we would've missed out on so much joy, happiness, laughter, and love.
grant, happy anniversary. i hope you're not mad that i put this all on here! (he's not an open book like i am.)
but ten years ago, i did marry. i married my husband in a courthouse with our two month old son beside us. we barely knew each other. i had only met him about a year before. we lived in different cities for nearly the entire duration of our premarried relationship. we were not prepared to get married, let alone raise a baby. we seemed to have nothing in common. i married him not because i loved him, but because i wanted to keep him from marrying someone else down the road who would be the mother to my son. i had this image of who he might marry and i didn't want "her" to help my raise my son. even though i didn't know it at the time, i discovered many years later my husband married me for the same reason. he didn't like the type of man that he thought i might one day marry being a father to his son.
it's messed up, i know, you don't have to point it out to me. (in a twisted way, it's kinda romantic. in a really twisted way, right?)
we were not happy. we were selfish. it was pretty ugly for while there. there were mean words, mean actions, nasty grudges held. bitterness. apathy.
sounds kinda bleak, doesn't it? are you ready for the best part? over these past ten years, we began to love each other. i hesitate to say "fall in love" because that is such a passive statement. it wasn't something that just happened to us, we made choices to be better people. we made that choice to love and appreciate each other. and now we have a deep, sincere love that has been put through the test and found true.
in the past decade, we learned that we actually have a lot more in common than we ever knew. we learned to sacrifice our own wants to focus on the needs of the other. we learned that true love takes a lot of work. we learned how to be each other's biggest supporter. we learned that marriage is a partnership. we learned that we are stronger than our circumstances. we learned that marriage can be tested, can be tried, can be put through the fire and it can survive. my husband did become my best friend and i did become someone he can't live without. and in that decade we added two more wonderful blessings to our first son; a daughter and then another boy.
even though our marriage began far from ideal, even though i never had the wedding i had once dreamed of, even though our marriage went through hard times of our own making, i would not wish it to have been different. if we had never persevered through the hard times, i never would have been able to see the grace God poured out onto our marriage. if our marriage had been easy, i would never be able to tell of the strength God gave me. if our marriage had been always full of love, i would never be able to know how precious the gift of love is. if our marriage had never gone through the darkness, we would never be able to fully enjoy the light. our marriage has been worth all the heartache we experienced in the beginning, i would hate to be on this ride with anyone else but him. i'm so glad we didn't give up in the first part of our marriage, we would've missed out on so much joy, happiness, laughter, and love.
grant, happy anniversary. i hope you're not mad that i put this all on here! (he's not an open book like i am.)
