Friday, June 1


almost six years ago, i was excited and nervous and a little apprehensive as i sent my first born off to his first day of elementary school.  i hoped he'd make new friends.  i hoped no one would be mean to him.  i worried the teacher might not be nice.  i was excited to see him go on this adventure called school.  i was eager to watch him learn new things.  i was worried he would miss me and be sad.  i hated the thought of him crying during the day and me not being there to hold him.  it was hard to let him go, but i was excited for him all at the same time.  it was such a jumble of emotions.

i didn't cry that first day until i picked him up at carpool.  i looked and saw my little caleb walking out with his
too-big book bag amongst all the kids.  i just couldn't help it.  he looked so little, yet so big at the same time.  the tears just flowed.  i quickly dried them before he got in the car.  i don't think the kids noticed i was teary eyed.  i didn't want him to see me cry and become upset.

which brings me to today.  today is my first born's last day of elementary school.  it's been quite a ride these past 6 years.  he's had ups and downs, like all  kids.  i've watched him make hard decisions, as when we tried homeschooling.  i've watched him struggle with difficult teachers.  i've watched him embrace wonderful teachers.  i've seen my son find himself and stay true to himself.  this last school year has been exceptionally great for him as he's really become more confident in who is he.  and he is a great kid.  i teared up a bit once a few weeks ago when i receive a newsletter from his teacher stating, "it's that time of year.  your baby only has a few more weeks until they are one with elementary school."  because she's right.  he is my baby.  he's my first one.

i didn't cry last night at his 5th grade ceremony.  not when he crossed the stage to receive his certificate.  not even during the slide show containing his sweet pictures from when was little.

oh bless his heart.  he's practically wearing the same outfit.  blue t-shirt, brown cargo shorts.

but this morning in the carpool lane, i had to drop off my baby for his last day of elementary school.  all i could see was the image of him on his first day of elementary school.  i tried to hold it together, and i
did pretty well.  i don't think the kids noticed i was teary eyed when they got out of the car.  i didn't want him to see me cry and become embarrassed.  but when he closed the door and walked away, the tears flowed.    i just couldn't help it.  in my rearview mirror he looked so big, yet so little.

last night at the ceremony.  i promise i was happy, i was just worried about the three year old running away.  i just had to include it because my son looks so handsome!


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