Monday, July 11

new beginnings

i love the start of a new school year.  it feels so fresh and so hopeful.  i thought it would be a good time to start some new changes around here.

we’ve tried all sorts of systems for chores and allowances, but so often i forget to enforce them.  i’ll just blame my mommy brain on that one.  but we’re trying a new approach (again!) starting today that puts more of the responsibility on my children.  i even got rid of the word chore and call them responsibilities.  i gave them a short list of things they have to do everyday regardless and then they each have one task that they have to do around the house that takes a burden off of me.  right now are evenings are busy with swim team, but when that is over they will find some evenings when they have two quick responsibilities a night.
i’ve printed up several weeks worth that vary the responsibilities so no one gets bored or could claim that one gets easier jobs than the other.  except my son always has to get the trash and recycling from the curb,  that’s a boy job.   :)

with the new school year came a new and exciting change for me and the little one, ian.  i have been getting up at 5:30ish to go the the gym so that we didn’t have to pay for the child care there.  i decided that with my older son going back to school that we would splurge on the childcare so i could take ian after the kids go to school.  he’d get to play with other kids, and i would get to try some classes to change up my exercise routine.

except i found out that i couldn’t just add childcare.  i’d also have to add “dependents” plus the childcare to my membership.  that would be DOUBLE what we were expecting to pay a month and would be MORE than double what we’re currently paying with just my membership.  when the lady told me this, i felt the tears welling up in my eyes just like an idiot.

i’m not kidding, i had tears in my eyes and my voice was quivering!  i know she thought i was a lunatic or something.  i felt like a crazy lady!  paying all that extra money just isn’t something we’re choosing to do right now.   it seems so frivolous when we have other things we want to save our money towards.  so as i realized i was not going to be able to add him to my gym membership, i felt the tears coming on.   what the lady behind the counter didn’t know, but what i knew was that my only chance of alone time was just taking away from me.  felt more like a ripping away…

i’m one of those people who crave quiet and aloneness.  i NEVER get it.  maybe once every 3-4 months for an hour and that’s probably on the high side of estimation.  so basically NEVER.  i was pumped because i was going to SLEEP IN until 6 and then have an hour maybe an hour and half before the kids get up every. single. weekday.  an hour to drink coffee, read my bible, start on the days tasks.  i ‘ve been looking forward to this for weeks now.  weeks, people!  i have a two year old all day who doesn’t nap, then the two big kids come home, and then my husband, the night owl.  the only chance to be alone in my home is in the morning.  the only chance to refresh my spirit, to not have someone NEED me.  and it’s been way too long since i’ve been able to experience this on a near daily basis, close to a year since ian last took a consistent nap.  and quiet alone time is something i need, which i know not everyone feels the same way.  but if you crave solace like i do, then you understand why i was fighting back those tears!

i did manage to keep the tears in until we got in the car.  and i managed to wait until i got in the shower to have a good cleansing ugly cry….

…which was, of course, cut short when little ian walks in….like i said, never alone.

fortunately the lady behind the counter doesn’t work at 5:30 am.  i’d be too mortified to see her again!


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